moving forward

navigating through the life that was and moving into the life that is

My first post

on December 15, 2011

Today I felt strong enough to look through Glen’s nightstand for the first time.  Every day I allow myself to follow my heart as far as what I am ready to do. As I have said to many visitors, there is no manual or rules for how to live after losing the love of your life. You are bombarded with things that must be done and dealt with every day. And each person whose life was touched by Glen will grieve and heal in a different way.   I have found comfort in working at my pace and only addressing things when I feel strong enough.  Today’s choice was such a blessing because I discovered that Glen had a shoebox in his nightstand of all the cards I had ever given him and my handwritten  vows that I said to him on the day of our wedding.  I wept and laughed and smiled as I read every single one.  And the one thing that was evident is just how much I loved him and rejoiced in our life together and the kind of man he was. And as have been with many things since Glen passed, I am certain he is protecting me and knew I would be ready to see all the cards today.

About three weeks after our first date is when I gave him this card:

“It amazes me that even before we met, the Lord already knew we were going to be friends.

He could see even before we could that our friendship would fill the little spot in our hearts that was just waiting for someone really special to come along.

I’m so glad God planned our friendship, and that all the times I prayed for a friend – the answer was already you.”

And here is what I wrote inside:

Glen,

It amazes me. Simple as that.  You really did fill the little spot in my heart that was waiting for someone special.  I didn’t even know it was there until you came along.  I was happy and content and you brought my world to a whole different level.  One I didn’t know could exist.  I always wanted to be ridiculously in love.  Just annoying to other people I was so happy! :) hehe Until you I had never felt that.  I love God. His plans for our life are good. I am sure you are made for me and I am made for you.

“Love of my life,

My soulmate,

You’re my best friend,

Part of me

Like breathing.”

Love you,

Sandra

The healing part of this for me is remembering the knowledge that God’s plan was a part of us from the beginning.  The one painful thing is remembering the next lyrics in that song.

“Love of my life,

My soulmate,

You’re my best friend,

Part of me

Like breathing.

Now half of me is left.”

Not a day goes by where I am not aware that my other half is missing.  With him I was made complete and I feel that loss everyday.  Life will never be the same without him but I am so glad to have all of the cards we gave each other over the years to affirm our love for each other.


11 responses to “My first post

  1. Dave Kagan says:

    Sandra,
    Your strength, tenderness and devotion are astonishing. What a dear person you are.
    Hugs,
    Dave & Bev

  2. Sandra,
    You’re strength is so encouraging. I loved reading about his shoebox! Glen will always live on through you! I love you so so so much!
    Christine

  3. stefoni says:

    That just brought the biggest smile to my face when u shared ur day. And knowing how strong u r and all the family n friends around u epecially Glen every breath u take every step he’s there holding ur hand n guideing u.

  4. Bill and Joanne Meeker says:

    Dear Sandy,
    Grandma and I enjoyed reading your core values of your Love for Glen These are the same core values that have kept us together for 64 years. We know in our hearts that you and Glen would have had the same kind of long marriage. Be assured Glen is watching over you and will guide you through your grief and trials.
    Love Grandpa and Grandma

  5. Valerie says:

    Thank you for sharing this with us. It made me smile. Even though we’ve never met, I’m thinking of you and your family always. Glen was such a wonderful soul and I’m glad he found happiness in the life you shared together…

  6. Jessica Deresch says:

    This made my day to read your beautiful words about Glen, I love to hear that you are getting stronger everyday. I only had a few encounters with Glen in high school and I wish I had kept in better touch. May God Bless you and your adorable children, I know that Glen is watching over you all and protecting you with that beaming smile and his strong arms around you. I would love to cook a meal or two for you or help out in any way that I can, please contact me.

  7. dena willis says:

    I’m weeping right now. Weeping for the love and joy you shared together, but also weeping for you Sandy and the pain that you are going through. I’m touched by your strength and courage. I love you so much and wish I could take some of the pain away. The love that you shared was real, authentic love. Your blog has inspired me. Love you always- Dena

  8. Meghan says:

    Sandy,
    It’s wonderful that you have all the memories to remember the times you had together. I said this to my friend when they thought their daughter was going to die she has very serious disabilities God only gives us things he knows we can handle and never things he knows we can’t even though it may seem that’s not the case at the time in time it will.

  9. Uncle Jim says:

    Sandy,
    You overwhelm me with your strength and your faith. You are such an inspiration to me and to all of us that follow your progress every day, hanging on every moment and cheering for each step. The love that the two of you shared will live on forever in you, Alana, and Cameron. Glen’s presence is felt by all of us, protecting us, and looking down on us with that unbelievable smile. As Samantha and I approach 10 years of being together, we look more and more to thinking about our legacy- what will we leave each other and our children with. You, and Glen, are setting the model of what I hope that we can be, as well.
    I love you.

    Uncle Jim

  10. Kristen & Romano says:

    WOW!!! Sandra, the way you and Glen met and fell in love reminds me so much of me and Romano. ;o) The fact that Glen kept all those cards is wonderful in itself. Even though Glen is physically gone, the love he had for you will never die. You are such an inspiration Sandra, with your strength and faith. I continue to pray that God continues to provide that for you and the kids.

    Always thinking of you.
    Love Kristen ;o)

  11. Lynn Setsma says:

    Sandy, how beautiful. What a gift Glen was to you. I wish I could have met him but I feel I know him through all the posts on this site. Thank you for making yourself vulnerable to us so we can grieve with you. Stay strong in your faith and know that God’s love is stronger than death and he will always be there – the Everlasting Arms. Love you!

    Lynn

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