moving forward

navigating through the life that was and moving into the life that is

Thoughts on marriage

on January 5, 2012

The song that Glen’s brother Mike and his wife Michelle danced to their wedding has been on my mind right now nonstop.

Mike and Michelle,

Make sure that you heed the song’s advice every day in your marriage and make each other feel the way you did on the day you were married.

“Marry me
today and every day
Promise me
you’ll always be
happy by my side
I promise you
to sing to you
when all the music dies
Marry me
today and every day.”

Glen was committed to making each day as wonderful as our wedding day had been. Not in the big ways but the small ways. The small moments, the small things, are what make all the difference in your love.  He spent each day like he was recommitting to the rest of our life together. So marry each other today and every day. Remind your partner how important they are to you and how blessed you are to have each other. And when nothing feels right, just sit and look each other in the eyes, let the silence do the talking, and hold hands and remember that “this too shall pass.” Those quiet moments of refocus and love will do wonders for your relationship. Focus on each other. Dismiss the distractions and challenges of everyday life, dismiss each others imperfections, and just see each other.  And in that purity of vision, you will see the person you married despite what time has dealt you both.  You will regain admiration, love, and strength in your marriage.  Marriage was not meant to be easy or meet all of your individual needs.  It was meant for you to forego your own needs at times to meet the needs of your spouse.  It is those selfless acts that keep a marriage healthy and thriving.  You don’t have the time to be self-centered and only focused on you.  However, this does not mean you still can’t want things for yourself.  A prime example of this in my marriage was my want to be a runner. Something I had always wanted but never been able to achieve.  As soon as I decided to start the journey, Glen did not even question it but instead always asked what he could do to help.  I am certain it was not always convenient for him by any means for me to take off and run at different times of each day.  But never once did he complain about it or discourage me from wanting it. He made sacrifices of his individual needs and allowed me to fully dive into my journey.

I have reminded you both to find peace and strength knowing that even in Glen’s last moments he was able to put me and the children first so that we would be fine.  I know that he is at peace in heaven when he sees me wake our children each morning and thrives that his last gift to us was the gift of well-being and life.  Even in the hospital, God saw fit for Glen to fight until I could  remember seeing him.  Due to the extent of my brain injury I have no memory of the first two weeks I was hospitalized.  The first day I remember is the day that my parents told me what had happened to Glen and that he was going to be removed from life support.  That day  I got to go see my husband  and feel him breath, hold his hand, touch his face, and lay my head on his chest.  And he was still my Glen, my sweet love.  It was later that night that they took him off life support and I believe with 100% certainty that he fought until my brain was ready to remember seeing him so that I would not have to live with the pain of never being able to say goodbye to him.

And now that I have had to say goodbye to him, promise me that you treat each other the way Glen treated me each day. That as much as losing him hurts me, I have peace because of how he loved when he was here.  So marry each other today and every day. And never forget that Glen’s death is not the thing to focus on, that each day we have to focus on how he lived and how he loved.  I believe that he will teach people for years to come what he was blessed to know in this world each and every day.

I love you both so much and am brought such joy by the power of your love for each other. Thank you for being here for me through the most painful period of my life and know that I am always here for anything you may need.

Grace, Peace, and Love

Sandra

P.S.  Music has always been a HUGE part of my life so make sure you also remember the lyrics to the song Glen and I danced to at our wedding.

“You’re all I need to get by.
Like the sweet morning dew, I took one look at you,
And it was plain to see,
you were my destiny. With my arms open wide,
I threw away my pride
I’ll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life to you

I will go where you lead
Always there in time of need
And when I lose my will
You’ll be there to push me up the hill
There’s no, no looking back for us
We got love sure ‘nough, that’s enough
You’re all, You’re All I need to get by.

You’re all I need to get by.
Like an eagle protects his nest, for you I’ll do my best,
Stand by you like a tree, dare anybody to try and move me
Darling in you I found
Strength where I was torn down
Don’t know what’s in store but together we can open any door
Just to do what’s good for you and inspire you a little higher
I know you can make a man out of a soul that didn’t have a goal
Cause we, we got the right foundation and with love and determination

You’re all, you’re all I want to strive for and do a little more
You’re all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one
You’re all, You’re all I need to get by.


6 responses to “Thoughts on marriage

  1. Ali says:

    Wow is all I can say !! You are such an inspiration to people all over the place…I feel like God wanted me to learn from you 🙂
    I continue to pray for you and your family….

  2. Missy Brunen says:

    Thank you for this, Sandra. This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

  3. Debbie says:

    Sandra,
    You are an inspiration… we are all so proud of you… and the strength you are facing this new chapter with. I see Commeret strength in you – knowing your aunt, uncles & mom well. You and the kids are in my prayers daily – much love, Debbie

  4. Brenda says:

    Beautifully said Sandra.

  5. This is very romantic and more importantly, very inspiring. Thank you for sharing this.

  6. Karen says:

    May god bless you and your family. These words will and have touched so many peoples lives!!! You have changed the world!!!

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