Not a day goes by where I am not aware that my children are adjusting to life without Glen as much as I am. But whereas I can express my feelings and work through them, for a 2 and a 6 year old it is a much more daunting feat.
Cameron, at 2, is definitely doing okay. He tends to want mommy close by and often cries when it is time to leave for daycare, but is fine once he arrives. Nighttime is also a hard time of day where I’ll read to him, pray to him, sing to him and then get ready to leave and he’ll say “but I need you Mommy.” Talk about the most compelling argument ever!
Alana, at 6, is struggling so much more than Cameron. Which given her age makes perfect sense. She also tends to want mommy close by and does not want to be in any room by herself. School is especially difficult for her right now in a way like never before. She has a really hard time completing her homework and is devastated by children at school who are mean to her or tease her. She becomes very easily frustrated when she does not get what she wants and will make generalizations like “I never get what I want” or “you don’t want me to be happy.” At other times, like last night, she is just feeling terrible about who she is. Last night, in one of her longest episodes yet she kept saying that “she was not my perfect valentine” and “you don’t love me.” And if I tried to comfort her by gently touching her or trying to give her a hug, she would become rigid and say she doesn’t deserve to feel better. Insert the sound of my heart breaking here! Last night after a lot of kicking, throwing, screaming, and crying, I was able to get her to come sit on my lap and then she wanted to lie in bed for a while. The rest of the night went on like it had never happened but I know that it did and I know it just doesn’t go away. And so I turned to the one thing I know when I realize that ultimately I have little control, the Lord.
For years I have been praying out of the book, The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. It is broken down into 31 chapters such as Feeling Loved and Accepted, Being the Person God Created, and Receiving a Sound Mind. Each chapter is an illustration into that area of your child’s life, a prayer, and then several verses related to that area. Last night I read the Receiving a Sound Mind chapter because I know that all of the thoughts in her mind right now are not sound because she is not clear headed in this time of her life, who would be? And while she has begun counseling to help her learn how to do this, I know that therapy alone will not fix this, that only the peace and power to heal of our Lord and Savior can get her there. As I have mentioned before, this knowledge doesn’t mean we lie down and wait for Him to fix it, we have to dig in and dig out. So because Alana can’t do that for herself, I have started her with a counselor who is amazing and can teach her the skills she needs.
I want to share the prayer from the Receiving a Sound Mind chapter as well so those of you who continue to pray can specifically pray for these things for my children, especially Alana at the time being.
Thank you for promising us a sound mind, I lay claim to that promise for Alana. I pray that her mind be clear, alert, bright, intelligent, stable, peaceful, and uncluttered. I pray there will be no confusion, no dullness, and no unbalanced, scattered, unorganized, or negative thinking. I pray that her mind will not be filled with complex or confusing thoughts. Rather, give her clarity of mind so that she is able to think straight at all times. Give her the ability to make clear decisions, to understand all she needs to know, and to be able to focus on what she needs to do. Where there is now any mental instability, impairment, or dysfunction, I speak healing in Jesus’ name. May she be renewed in the spirit of her mind (Ephesians 4:23) and have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16)
I pray that she will so love the Lord with all her heart, soul, and mind that there will be no room in her for the lies of the enemy or the clamoring world. May the word of God take root in her heart and fill her mind with things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). Give her understanding that what goes into her mind becomes part of her, so that she will weigh carefully what she sees and hears.
You have said, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3) I pray that her faith in You and Your Word will grow daily so that she will live forever in peace and soundness of mind.