moving forward

navigating through the life that was and moving into the life that is

Return to Shepherd

on September 10, 2012

If there is one thing that has been important to me in this whole process, it is honesty. I have sought to be honest in my grief, honest in my healing. and this has been painful at times. Today is one of those days. Today I return to Shepherd Center to have neuropsych testing done and make a plan for cognitive rehabilitation. Without placing blame on myself or anyone at Shepherd Center, this is a test that should have been administered before I was discharged. Like me, everyone was so focused on my physical recovery that some of the cognitive and mental processing impairments were over looked. And although the test did not occur, I have faith in the way that everything has unfolded and am not upset that the testing did not happen before. I was not ready then. I wanted to learn to walk, learn to stand unassisted, learn to step off a curb without help, be able to resume parenting my children. With work, these things have come back, and now I need to work on my brain and the neurological testing is the best way to formulate a plan for healing in my brain to occur.

Neurological testing evaluates such impairments of cognitive functioning. The types of cognitive deficits that are typically encountered after brain injury are diverse but tend to include impairments in:

  • Attention/concentration/orientation.
  • Executive functioning: planning, initiation, follow-through and organization.
  • Visuo-spatial, perceptual skills
  • Speech, language and comprehension.
  • Memory: visual, auditory, sort-tern memory, long-term memory.
  • Speed of information processing.
  • Mental flexibility, reasoning, Problem solving and Judgment.

Although there is some defeat or sadness that tries to creep in, I have to remind myself that this is just another step. Another step to discovering the new me that is blossoming as a result of this injury. As has been the case all along, friends and family have been so amazing in their support and words of encouragement. Last night I received a text from a friend that said,

Rather than looking at tomorrow as a reminder that you are back at ground zero, see it as a benchmark. Remember where you were the last time you were there. Look at you now. Each time you go there you will be further along in your healing process.

It’s like you are making marks on the wall of your height growing up.

I love that illusion of growth. As a child you can’t be taller just because you want to, but one day you go to measure and you are! My brain can not be healed of it’s trauma just because I want it to be. But given time and intention, healing can and will occur.


You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
and heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You’re my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You’re my portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
Jesus, You’re all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

One response to “Return to Shepherd

  1. tonia says:

    Girl you are my ROCK!! I love reading your posts, you HEAL me, your words are poignant and bring PEACE…..God has shown and taught me so much and all I can say and will continue to say is THANK you God that he has allowed me to become friends with you. You NEVER cease to amaze me, with everything you have been through that you still teach and show us just how ABUNDANT God’s GRACE & LOVE are. I am still on this journey of growing with God, but he has brought me to the most wonderful “family”. Love you Sandra!!!

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