moving forward

navigating through the life that was and moving into the life that is

this is not the end

on November 21, 2012

As everyone went through the journey of the accident occurring and the aftermath that followed, different days stuck out. Today is the day that most sticks out for me.

Today is the day that my short term amnesia ceased and I began forming new memories. My first solid memory is waking up in a hospital bed, looking to the left, and seeing my mom coming into the room crying. She then explained to me that I was in the hospital because my family had been in a car accident, that the children were safe and unharmed, but that Glen was injured. She explained that Glen had been fighting for days and that after the CT from the morning, he no longer had brain activity, and would be taken off life support that evening. With childlike innocence, I asked my mom if he was ever going to wake up. She said “no.” And with childlike innocence again I asked “Like never?” Again she said “no.” I then asked if I could go see him. I cannot even imagine what it was like for my mom to have to deliver this news without knowing if I would wake up the next day remembering it or not. In the wake of everything my family has been so strong, so supportive, and so loving. Although that was a dark day for me, in hindsight I see how God laid everything with my brain injury out in perfect timing. Because from the moment my mom told me this, I have been saying “it is what it is.” That day I knew that Glen was going to die and then the next morning I knew that he had.
By God’s grace alone, having no memories before this day, I never had the hope or notion that Glen was going to make it. I feel this was God’s protection over my mind and body so that He could allow me to survive, heal, and get stronger in those first few weeks.
So today is the day that changed everything. Today is the day I had to go to sleep with a husband, knowing that in the morning I would not have one.

But this is not where the story ends.

“At any given moment
You have the power to say
this is not
how the story is going to end.”

So I have shared my story. The intense highs and lows. And if you all will allow me to keep processing and healing in this way, I will continue to share.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

And as I have said before, I am sure of the hope that Glen has for me and the children and certain that he is in heaven rejoicing with his Heavenly Father.

this is not the end – Gungor

5 responses to “this is not the end

  1. Caroline martin says:

    Love u so much Sandra. You are such an inspiration. Glen and everyone else is so proud of you. Xoxo forward motion my dear friend.

  2. Lynn Setsma says:

    Thank you for being so open and vulnerable to all of us. You have been an inspiration to me and everyone who reads your updates. I have always loved your family so am not surprised by the wonderful care and love they have given you during this past year. So tomorrow you can give thanks for such a strong, loving family and friends all over who continue to support you in many ways. I will continue to hold you up in prayer.

  3. tonia says:

    Love you sweetie….You are the biggest & best inspiration. Courageous, strong, beautiful!!! There are no words to describe what YOU mean to me!!!! Keep moving girl….upward & forward!!!

  4. Angela says:

    Sandra I have followed your story since I first heard of the accident and I was in SC visiting family but felt some type of way and wanted to see how this transpired hoping it was a happy ending for you all. It may not have been the live happily ever after ending but you are and have been pulling thru like a champ, true there are good and bad days and I enjoy reading them all because it let’s us know that you are truly a mother, daughter, wife, friend, child of a mighty God, & most of all human. Keep your head up and yes I would love for you to keep filling us in, it gives us hope to. Love you because I can 😀

  5. Sarah says:

    Love you Sandra! Thinking of you today, hard to believe its been a year. You’ve come so far and I’m so thankful you, your family and Glen will always be a part of my life. And please tell Margout I’m thinking of her today. I’ll never forget arriving at your room this day one year ago, and being met by her arms around me.

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