moving forward

navigating through the life that was and moving into the life that is

A Beautiful Butterfly

on June 11, 2013

Awakening. Revival. Breaking Free. Release. Stretch. Expand. Reach. Explore. Awakening.

These are the words that keep going through my mind the last few days. I feel like a metamorphosis happened in my life. And because I am a word person and I love looking up definitions here are the definitions that came up:

met·a·mor·pho·sis

Noun
  1. (in an insect or amphibian) The process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages.

  2. A change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.

With each of these definitions, I could dig in so much deeper. But I will spare you all my 15 page essay and give you my Kindergarten teacher understanding of metamorphosis of a caterpillar. J Here is what I feel happened in my life. In a nutshell.

After the accident, I was a caterpillar. That was the new me. My perspective was different. The world was new to me and it was scary, man was it scary.  I now knew that hurt could occur on so many different levels simultaneously and nothing could protect me from it.  I functioned and worked hard, I had never known any differently. However, part of me was doing just that, functioning. Wake up, daily tasks, eat, daily tasks, go to bed. Repeat.  My heart would not fully open up. I was so busy relearning all of the things that had days before come so easily.  Each day, I functioned. Each day, I worked hard. One day, I must have lain down. Not given up, but lain down and rested from being weary. Little did I know that as I rested, a change was continuing to take place, and all of my work was forming a chrysalis around me. My life was covered, protected, and happening, but no matter how hard I tried, I didn’t feel like I was a part of it.  I could see it occurring but I couldn’t truly touch it or experience it. Along the way, I began to believe that my life was going to be like this forever. Much like the little caterpillar believes that he will never be anything else, I had begun to accept where I was in life. Just function. Just work.  And when you accept untruth, you will begin to believe untruths. I began to believe that I would never be anything more than a brain injured person.  A non-working, weak,  tired, absent minded person.  Thankfully, although I had begun to believe those things, my life was covered.  So I stayed where I was and rested. Over the last few weeks, I began to stretch. I began to reach, expand and explore.  I began to break out of my cocoon and the untruths that I had come to believe are no longer able to keep me captive. My brain awakened. I felt a revival of myself. I began to care.  I know there seems to have been a lot of moments like this over the last 18 months. Yet somehow this time was different. I could breath. I could feel life. I could experience life.  I could imagine a future. I’m not sure how else to explain it then to say that suddenly, after believing I was going to be a “caterpillar” for the rest of my life, I could fly. Suddenly, I became a butterfly. A beautiful butterfly.

God’s not finished with me yet.

pinkbutterfly2


One response to “A Beautiful Butterfly

  1. Sandra, every time I read one of your posts, I think, “She should really write a book.” You have such a gift with words and a beautiful way of expressing your emotions. You are such a brave, inspirational woman, and I hope you know you have a lot of people cheering you on! Sending lots of love your way!

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