Today is a very sad day… Post from November 21st, 2011.
Three years ago today my dad wrote the above post. I found out about the devastating accident that had occurred, remembered holding my children for the first time since November 4th and said goodbye to the man I loved for the last time. It was a beautiful day of firsts and a difficult day of last goodbyes. I just recently talked to Michelle about the details of that day.
You are beautiful, inside and out. So so very beautiful. Your level of unconditional love and devotion reaches depths which others will never understand. You were a pillar of strength in my fight for normalcy. Please know, that I understand. I know. My life is richer and better because you are in it. I love you so incredibly much.
Michelle has been so self-controlled and selfless in refraining from sharing details that I have not asked about. When we recently discussed this day in 2011, I was humbled and awed again at the details she shared. Thank you to everyone that was there that day. Thank you for lining the halls with love. Thank you for loving him, loving me, loving all of us.
As my dad mentioned in the above post, I can not speak for anyone but myself. All of us who knew Glen have grieved in different ways, our own ways. I can do nothing but share my story, so that is what I will continue to do. Without a doubt, it is a story of heartbreak and tragedy and pain, but there is more to my story, to my life. So I will tell you what today is.
I awake each morning with gratitude. Sheer gratitude to be able to awaken. The funny thing about tragedy and loss when it hits so close to home is that you want so badly to go back to the way things were. You fight to go back and then eventually you stop wishing you could. Somewhere in the middle of the depths of grief, you stop wanting to go back. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my life. It would be nice to rewind the clock and live that life again, but I can’t. The reality is that life is not the way it was and never will be again. I have accepted that. I have accepted that and vowed to live fully, to love fully, to embrace life the way I am certain that Glen would expect me to. We all get to decide how we deal with loss and with grief. And this is my peace to make with my loss. I feel as though I was living life well, but now I feel like I’m living life honestly.